A lot of "lasts"

The O.G.'s (and future roomies): Christmas Party '07

I'd say it's about time I updated, since we are officially not "a little more than halfway through" as my previous entry might indicate. We are officially a little more than completely through with the show, which is just now weighing in as weird in my mind. I've talked about it here before, and it's no mystery to the average actor: it feels strange when you finish a show. Perhaps this one especially, being my first equity gig, or perhaps because it is finishing on the heels of our move to LA, or on finishing right around the holidays... at any rate, it's that same mixture of sadness and relief and gratefulness and nostalgia and something being not quite right. And it will pass.

Quite a lot has happened since December 11th! Christmas! I had a birthday! Exciting things! And we move in 5 days! Right now our house is a mess of boxes, which slowly but surely are getting filled up and set aside to be thrown in a moving truck on Friday. Going through our belongings has been a fun trip down memory lane, and a veritable treasure hunt for the kitties--Chad discovered not more than four toy mice hiding in the office!

I am excited for the move. But while I feel like we have been preparing physically (getting our LA apartment, packing up, &c.) I haven't really been preparing emotionally for leaving the place I have spent my entire life. This Christmas time contained a lot of "lasts" for Chad and I. Last time to visit our old houses and old pets. Last time to see friends and family. Last time to buy our coffee beans at Caffe Vita. But in the moment it's hard to know if it really is the last time so it doesn't feel real. And that's what I mean by not being prepared emotionally for leaving town. I've talked to friends and coworkers before about this grieving process that takes place with any big life change, good or bad. You grieve for the life you are leaving behind, even if what is ahead is new and exciting. Whenever I allow myself to reflect and give into feeling that hole in my heart I know that that grief is coming soon...I just don't want it yet.

But I am excited. I hope you'll keep Chad and I in your thoughts and prayers as we venture out into this new challenge. A lot of things have to go right for this whole thing to work, but even if it doesn't we can never say we didn't try.